Maybe you wake up tired, no matter how much you sleep. Or maybe you lie awake thinking about the messages you haven’t answered. Things that used to energize you now feel heavy, and even small tasks take more effort than they should. If you’re feeling burned out, days like this can start to feel normal.

Long hours and heavy demands play a real part in burnout. But much of the strain comes from inside your own mind, from automatic mental patterns called Saboteurs. They can push you to keep going when you need rest, or to avoid important tasks and conversations. They cause much of your stress, anxiety, restlessness, and unhappiness.

When you’re running low on energy, a Saboteur might say: “Why can’t you handle this?” The more drained you feel, the harsher that voice can sound. The harder your Saboteurs push you, the more burned out you feel. And the cycle continues.

Here’s how that cycle works, and one question that can interrupt it.

What’s Really Behind Feeling Burned Out

Saboteurs sound like your own reasonable thoughts, which is why they work against you so easily. You picked them up early in life, when they helped you feel safe or earn approval. They live in your Survivor Brain, the part of your brain that reacts to stress before you can think clearly.

Some Saboteurs keep you pushing past your limits. For example, the Hyper-Achiever tells you to finish one more task before you rest.

The Judge is the universal Saboteur, the one everyone has. It finds fault with you, with other people, and with your circumstances. When you’re feeling burned out, it often turns on you, prompting thoughts like:

• “I should be able to handle this.”
• “Everyone else is managing fine.”
• “If I were better at this, I wouldn’t feel so tired.”

The Judge often sounds like the voice of reason, so it’s easy to believe. But every round of self-blame adds more stress, and more stress makes it harder to rest, think clearly, and recover. The more exhausted you are, the louder your Judge gets.

Arguing with the Judge rarely works. A different kind of question can interrupt it.

One Question To Ask When You’re Feeling Burned Out

When you’re facing a setback or a challenge, ask yourself this question instead of letting your Judge beat you up over it:

“What do I need to do so that a year from now, I can say this was the best thing that could have happened to me?”

This question opens the door to the Sage Perspective: the idea that you can turn any challenge into a gift and an opportunity. It gives you access to your Sage, the calm, wise part of your brain that meets challenges with curiosity and compassion.

Here’s how to put the question to work:

• Pick one challenge. Choose a situation that is weighing on you, like a demanding project or a big life change.
• Choose your time frame. If it’s a big challenge, it might take a year or more. If it’s a smaller challenge, it might not take as long to find the gift or opportunity. You can always extend your time frame if needed.
• Write down what comes up. Your answers might include asking for help, setting a boundary, or making time for more rest and reflection.
• Come back to it. Ask the question again next week, and see what has changed so far.

How One CEO Used This Question

Frank was the CEO of a publicly traded company when its stock lost two-thirds of its value in less than a year. His leadership team felt guilty, blamed each other, and worked impossibly long hours without much progress.

Frank started opening each weekly team meeting with a version of this question, using a three-year time frame. His team was skeptical at first. But as the weeks went on, they moved from guilt and blame toward curiosity and creativity. In less than six months, they found a way to turn the crisis into an opportunity. Over the next year and a half, the company’s stock recovered its value.

The same question can help you with any setback or challenge you might be facing.

How To Keep the Cycle From Pulling You Back In

The Sage Perspective can help you identify a path forward. A daily mental fitness practice can help you stay on that path. This type of practice includes three components:

• Catch your Saboteurs. When the self-blame starts, name it: “That’s my Judge again.” Naming the thought helps you recognize it as a pattern.
• Energize your Sage brain. Do a PQ Rep: about 10 seconds of focused attention on a physical sensation. You might notice the weight of your feet on the floor or the rise and fall of your breath.
• Use your Sage Powers. Once your mind feels a little calmer, you can have empathy for yourself and others, get creative about problem-solving, or take the first small step toward addressing your challenge.

Research with more than 500,000 participants shows that practicing PQ Reps consistently builds new neural pathways that stay active over time. The more you practice, the faster you can quiet your Saboteurs and find your way back to your Sage.

Finding Your Way Back From Feeling Burned Out

Feeling burned out means you’ve been carrying a lot, and your Judge has been adding to the load. To break the burnout cycle, start small. Begin with one challenge, one question, and one 10-second PQ Rep. Each time you catch your Judge and access your Sage, the cycle loses some of its pull, and you move one step closer to the rest and energy you’ve been missing.

Curious which Saboteurs are keeping you stuck? Take the free Saboteur Assessment to find out.

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